Choices

Remember months ago when I said I needed a job?  That I felt unfulfilled being a stay-at-home mom?  Well...here's the thing.  I think I've changed my mind. 

This past weekend I went into the store that I was certain I had secured atleast a job interview (I had spoken with the Manager months ago and he assured me that he wanted to give me a job, as soon as there was a position).  The manager didn't even LOOK at me while I was shopping (usually we engaged in a quite lengthy conversation), and I took this to mean one of three things.  There was no position in the near-future, and he had gotten ahead of himself and felt bad.  He didn't want to hire me and was avoiding me.  Or the after-gym with child in tow 'look' didn't lend itself well to me, and he didn't even recognize me.  I hoped for the latter.  I got home and expressed my frustration to my husband.  I really wanted to work there, and have something that is 'my own'.  

Fast forward to 7pm tonight.  The manager called while my husband was on the phone and left a message asking me to come in for an interview, that there was a part time position available.  I quickly called back to arrange a time and discuss a few of the details.  Turns out that the position would be pretty much weekends only (2 shifts) with no weekday shifts.  

Hmmph.

This puts me in quite the predicament.  I don't want to give up EVERY weekend.  I assumed that like MOST part time sales positions it would be a combination of weekday/weeknight/weekend shifts and that two days a week would mean an assortment of scheduled shifts. 

Michael and I discussed all of the 'things' we have going on through to the end of June.. and I'm not sure we could really accommodate such a schedule.  For example..

Saturday April 2 - Imagination movers with K and M from 11 - 12/1pm.  No shift.
Sunday April 3 - Gymnastics in the AM - so only an afternoon shift.
Saturday April 9/10 - Michael's birthday celebration here in London.  Family staying over + gymnastics.  No shift.
Saturday April 16 - Overnight at Great Wolf .. plus then M is away for a week so NO shifts at all.
April 23, 24, 25 - Easter weekend.  Not sure what are our plans are.. but.. I would like to have most of the weekend free...
Sunday May 1 - Gymnastics and then a birthday party for a friend.

So that means .. I have space for 2 or 3 weekend shifts out of 5 weeks.
And that's just April.  It doesn't get better until July -- and by then.. do I want to work every weekend in the summer?  We plan on spending atleast a week (maybe 2) at the trailer in Grand Bend, plus spending a few days in Toronto.  On top of all of that, Michael and I have committed to working out 4 nights/days a week, and doing family oriented activities (ie. taking the babies swimming on Friday nights).

I think part of me wanted a job to help out financially -- I often feel as though I'm not contributing in the same way that M is.. he works so very hard to provide for his family.  I change diapers, feed babies, and do laundry.  It doesn't seem equivalent -- especially since Michael also does those things on top of his job (did I mention I have the best husband ever?).  We're not in the same position we were last fall .. and we don't need me to bring in an income to pay the basic bills (extra money is always great though!)..

As of now, I'm completely confused about what I'm going to do.  Part of me is saying "go to the interview and see what you can make of it!" and the other part of me is saying "there is no way you can make another thing work in this crazy schedule that includes 1 car and 2 small babies."

Why are decisions like this so difficult?

On a random, I don't want to talk about this anymore, note.

Charlotte found her tongue today!